Treasury Report – U.S. Dollar Holding Steady as Usual

I was pleased to read that the new five dollar bill scheduled for issue in 2008 will have a large purple “5” on the back. This will allow the visually impaired to see clearly that they’re holding five green and purple units of degrading detritus.

Also there will be added symbols of freedom for the new currency, though it’s hard to imagine what’s appropriate for today’s situation. What is the right symbol for the freedom to have your assets surreptitiously eroded by inflation, and not so surreptitiously further shredded by jaw dropping waste and mismanagement?

Perhaps an eagle bleeding onto a field of peasants begging for bread and iPods? Though to truly capture a representation of the intersection of our freedom, our government, and our wallets, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing would need to upgrade the anti-counterfeiting technology to add moving picture capability, so that a 10,000 ton cartoon weight sub-titled “Federal Government Unfunded Liabilities” can fall on the peasants and squash them like free and equal bugs, while the eagle screams in helpless anguish.

A happier version of the details of the five dollar bill can be found at, though when I read that “the United States has never devalued its currency, and will not do so now”, I choked on a chunk of sharp-cornered air, and then peeled off the fingernails of my right hand in a frantic mouse clutching race to get to a dictionary before the CIA got to them all first.

The American Heritage Dictionary definition didn’t yet (I think) show any sign of redaction: “Devalue: 1) To lessen or cancel the value of.”

The Treasury can’t think that would fly, since the U.S. dollar has lost over 95% of its value (and clearly counting), since the Federal Reserve was created in 1913.

Therefore it must be: “2) To lower the exchange value of (a currency) by lowering its gold equivalency.”

But that’s a bit of an eyebrow raiser too. It’s hard to see that the dollar now has any gold equivalency– no matter how many purple 5’s impressed thereon– since it once was redeemable in gold and now is not. Or perhaps the folks at the Treasury have some insider knowledge, and gold, which at the moment appears ready to break records on the upside, is actually set to plunge from above $700 to under $35 per ounce, thus creating a de facto non-devaluation? Possibly the Chinese, having heard all the excitement about the big purple 5’s, have pre-ordered a couple of trillion in uncut sheets to wallpaper the Great Wall and symbolize that they have as much control over the value of U.S. dollars as the U.S. does.

If so, they won’t get away with it. If the Chinese government thinks they can beat the United States government in a foot shooting war, they will lose. Our feds have no feet. They now aim at the pools of dried blood surrounding the leather shreds under their desks, no longer feeling pain or shame– so righteous in their self-perceived necessity that they can ignore the cries of pain and shame from their fellow citizens as the price that must be paid to keep order (in other words keep them where they are) for their delusions of greater good.

The joke will be on the Chinese, when we introduce our new tiered (but of course not devalued) currency.

Here are some tier recommendations:

Class A, the good stuff, in which all taxes must be paid, and from which all pork projects will be funded.

Class B, standard domestic. Social Security benefits will be paid in this. It can be used in soup kitchens, and to buy stock in Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs.

Class C, the Chinese special, can only be used by foreign governments to purchase leaded paint. And every attempt to export it back gets you another congressional trade mission. Pay close attention China. This is what you get when you mess with the U.S.A.

By Les Lafave 

Abolish The Federal Reserve –

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